Even Though She Never Took a Breath
- Jul 13
- 3 min read
A grandparent's story about losing their first grandchild who was "born still," what they did to support their daughter, and how proud they are of how her grief and the memory of their grandchild, propelled the healing of others.
When Maria asked us to write a blog about the stillborn death of our first grandchild, we said yes and then realized how challenging recalling this part of our lives would be. With that said, here we go.
My wife, Carol, and I were with our daughter Abby and son-in-law Ben in Denver, brimming with anticipation for our first grandchild's arrival. Abby's final doctor's appointment, days before her due date, showed everything was fine and we marveled at the baby's nightly movements. Our excitement was at an all-time high.
Then, on the morning of February 27, 2013, our world shattered. Abby and Ben rushed to the hospital at 5 AM, concerned because Abby couldn't feel the baby. The call from Ben confirmed our worst fears: their baby had died. We drove to the hospital in tears, our helplessness amplified by Abby and Ben’s anguish. How? Why?
The Denver hospital staff was incredibly supportive, understanding that Abby and Ben weren't the first parents, nor were we the first grandparents, to face such an unthinkable loss. Social workers and the chaplain offered comfort. Our dear friends, Marty and Becky Loy, who had walked a similar path, provided invaluable insight. I vividly remember Marty urging me to take LOTS of pictures of the baby, and of Ben and Abby with their first child.
Abby was induced, and after a long labor, our beautiful granddaughter, Emma Grace McFerron, was delivered at 6 AM on February 28th. Though our time with Emma Grace was brief, she became a forever part of our families. Ben even gathered friends in the hospital chapel for a spontaneous, bittersweet celebration of Emma’s life. Abby and Ben spent the night marveling at her features. Roughly 24 hours after her birth, Abby and Ben said their physical goodbyes.
With the help of hospital social workers, friends, books on stillbirth loss, and their own immense inner strength, Abby and Ben began navigating their new reality. Abby, determined not to be defined by this tragedy, wanted Emma Grace to be remembered and valued. They embarked on an incredible journey to honor her.
Their grieving process was deeply personal, yet they also sought help together through couples and individual therapy for years, gaining valuable insights into their relationship and themselves. Abby's research led her to create Denver Share, a nonprofit foundation dedicated to supporting parents and families through baby loss. Having walked in their shoes, Abby became a pillar of strength, creating a thriving organization that continues to meet the needs of countless grieving families in the Denver area.
We are incredibly proud of Ben and Abby
The McFerron's are now the proud parents of Emma Grace, Conner Drake, Jack Henry, and Grace Ryan.
We are incredibly proud of Ben and Abby. Though Emma Grace never took a breath, their response to this tragedy has made a profound difference in the lives of countless families. Through their grief and loss, Abby and Ben have become "difference makers," a testament they attribute to Emma Grace’s enduring presence in their lives.
Maria's Thoughts
Emma Grace, just like my sister Sara, teaches us many things. Death is devastating, even if your child, and in this case, your grandchild, never takes their first breath. As grandparents, not only are they grieving themselves, but they're also supporting their own child's overwhelming grief - they can't take her pain away even though they so desperately want to.
But there is light and there is hope. One step at a time, we learn to live without our loved ones. The pain never goes away, but instead of feeling the heartbreak all day long it begins to comes in waves. Waves that become farther and farther apart. The memories we have aren't always clouded in darkness but in love. We will survive the pain.
Emma Grace, and the grief that came from her passing, pushed Abby to change the world for the better - healing herself in the process. Sara did the same thing.
One Swing: Twice the Impact
The Annual Camp HOPE Golf Outing
Fred and Carol Hebert were long time board members and supporters of Camp HOPE. Fred is also the amazing individual that started and continues to run the Annual Camp HOPE Golf Outing - our biggest fundraiser for Camp HOPE, supporting many campers along the way.
Please consider becoming a sponsor for our golf outing - in honor of Emma Grace, in memory of your loved one, and in support of grieving campers. Every dollar we raise is doubled by an anonymous donor - your sponsorship makes a difference. Email Fred at fnchebert@gmail.com to learn more.
