A New Addition

Some of you have heard, but many have not, I have some news that I'm going to do my best to share with compassion, validation, and gentleness. After three years, a lot of tears, and a tremendous amount of support from my family and friends, I'm pregnant. My husband, Will, and I are excited to welcome our little love come September.

Receiving all the baby shower love

While I feel very blessed, I have to be honest, announcing this was not on the list of things I was excited about doing. Grief and fear can make things a bit more emotionally challenging. I know how pregnancy announcements feel when you're going through infertility, I know because I've been there. It's a gut punch that knocks all the wind out of you, over and over and over again. You are constantly reminded that being a mom, the one thing you want most in the world, is happening for others so easily while every month you're begging the universe, promising your angels that you'll make a great mom if they'd just give you the chance.

I also know that everyone at Camp HOPE has their own grief story, and many of those stories involve infant and child loss. It's not lost on me how difficult my news can be to hear. My mom (the founder of Camp) and I have had a lot of conversations about my sister Sara and how much we've both been thinking about her since I've gotten pregnant. We talk about her all the time and her stillbirth has heavily weighed on me. Almost this entire pregnancy I've said "if" she makes it instead of "when" she arrives. I cried to my doctor, letting her know that I refuse to give birth late because that's when Sara died. I checked for blood every day until our 20 week ultrasound. I could only imagine how difficult pregnancy feels after miscarriages or stillbirths if I'm feeling this way from my mom's experience, not even from my own.

Three Camp HOPE generations. May Camp, 2025

Please know that while Will and I are incredibly happy and grateful, I can hold and provide space for feelings that aren't joyful. Happiness and sadness can coexist. So can gratitude and pain and excitement and anger. I have felt all of it and more, both before and during this pregnancy. Feel free to talk with me or write to me about any or all parts of my journey (I'm an open book) or just ignore the fact that I'm pregnant at all. Whatever feels right to you, feels good to me.